Foundation
by Canadino
Summary: Gilbert Beilschmidt had plans for an eventful, voyuerism filled summer. Too bad even the most awesome plans can go awry. Polish AU


**Disclaimer: The only thing I own is the story idea and only some of the witty remarks. I own so little; so please don't steal.**

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Foundation

The beginning of summer was not very promising to Gilbert Beilschmidt. He had planned out the awesome schedule for the awesome months of vacation. The plans included voyeurism, eating, and avoiding the cops. Before school ended, he had gotten Antonio and Francis to agree and get involved with his Summer of Greatness. The three had promised (Gilbert had coerced the other two to do something along the lines of 'promise') to stick together and make the warm weather and free time count.

Of course, the first day of vacation, Romina had insisted to bring her pouty little self along to the voyeurism field trip, which resulted in Francis and Gilbert staring at the pool behind the bushes and mesh fence while Antonio and Romina made out behind them. Not only did this draw attention to themselves, but that damn girl Romina had distracted one of the Musketeers, one of the Bad Ass Trio. At the end of the day, Gilbert added one tiny addition to the plans: _no girlfriends allowed_.

The next day, Francis announced that he and Mattie were going to the beach with Alfreda and would they like to join? Gilbert tagged along, because of course beaches were a treasure trove of attractive girls and sun. As fate would have it, the time they got to the beach house, there was a thunderstorm, stranding them at the house while Francis and Mattie made out upstairs and Antonio Skype-ed with Romina and Alfreda sprawled out and slept on the couch. Normally, this would have been a score for Gilbert, except he didn't go for girls with airplane panties.

After a couple more encounters involving Romina interfering or Francis abandoning them to play with Mattie, Gilbert confronted the two. This was not how the Summer of Greatness was supposed to be like. Antonio and Francis told him bluntly the way it was.

"I kind of want to spend the summer with Romina," Antonio said.

"I never get to see Mattie in a swimsuit and I'm not sure I want you or Antonio to see it either," Francis agreed. "Or short shorts or underwear, depending on how hot it is outside."

"But…we're the Bad Ass Trio!" Gilbert protested.

"Well, this badass has a girlfriend, and therefore has a better chance of getting laid without resorting to stalking," Francis retorted, to which Antonio nodded feverishly without actually knowing what he was agreeing to. Gilbert ran off, crying awesome man tears (difference between man tears and normal tears: man tears were shed in an emotionless, manly way instead of blubbering all over the place, which he did _not_ do) and could not be consoled until Francis and Antonio came over two weeks later to apologize.

(There were no apologies; Francis had come to see if Gilbert had committed suicide and Antonio had forgotten the whole business but Gilbert knew it was their form of an apology.)

Francis and Antonio were out; Gilbert started looking for others to play with.

"Hey, bitch," Elizavita said without looking up from her magazine when Gilbert invited himself into her house and room. Although they did not spend much time together anymore, they had been inseparable as children until Gilbert indulged his hormones and Elizavita was not amused. Gilbert was flattered by this pet name.

"Hey, whore," he replied, to which he received a magazine to the face for the kindness. Elizavita turned back to painting her toenails bright green as Gilbert made sure he didn't get a papercut in his eye. "Are you free lately?"

"I'm not interested in dates, bitch. I've got a boyfriend."

Gilbert snorted as he washed his eye out. "I hardly think Roderick counts as a boy, Liz."

"He does gentleman things and he makes me happy, so he is a good boyfriend," Elizavita maintained, glaring at him as he wiped his hands on the fluffy hand towel. "But regardless, I'll bite. What're you up to?"

"I wanna watch girls."

"Figures. Where's the mindless wonder and horny idiot?"

"They've got girlfriends. Honestly, what's the deal with girlfriends! It's not like they're actually useful. I mean, not for me. Since I'm so awesome. Girls just are too shy to tell me they like me."

"Right," Elizavita said, ignoring him. "I guess if it's just watching, I can come with you."

…was what she said, but when he tried to pick up girls at the mall, she shrieked indignantly and dragged him away. Gilbert was forced to spend the rest of the day following Elizavita as she stalked two boys she claimed were in a torrid relationship and ended the whole day of fun and kicks dropping her off at Roderick's house.

"I hope you treated her like a lady," Roderick sniffed, turning his nose up at him as Elizavita disappeared into the house. Gilbert sneered at Roderick's carefully maintained appearance and jerked his head noncommittally.

"You can be sure I didn't," he snorted, shouting with laughter as he darted off before Roderick could tell him off.

Gilbert spend the next few days lazing around in bed depressed.

He decided to find another homebound kid to hang out with and found Kiku sitting outside the empty school building, cross-legged in the grass with his laptop on his lap. Kiku Honda was a strange person, but Gilbert heard that he was quite the lecher, so he decided to play his cards.

"Hey, Kiku!"

The way Kiku quickly closed the laptop cover reminded Gilbert of himself when Ludwig came into the room and he was watching porn. Wondering what on earth could get the most unsuspecting boy in school like that, he tried to find an answer on the boy's face – but Kiku had mastered the poker face. "Hello Gilbert Beilschmidt. What can I do for you?"

"What're you doing outside here by yourself?" Gilbert vaguely remembered how Kiku had been there when he and Roderick had a rather sexual (awesome) encounter and how he had a camera in hand. He stopped in his tracks and wondered if it would be appropriate to run. Kiku was a lecher all right; but way out of his league.

"It is none of your business." A polite lecher; the most dangerous kind. Apprehension gave away to respect. No one would object to Kiku picking them up or watching them. Starting up again, Gilbert sat down next to him. "What are _you_ doing here yourself?"

"How do you do it?" Gilbert asked, and Kiku blinked. "You know…not get girls upset with you. We're perverts; but they don't care if you are. How do you do it?"

Kiku frowned. "I don't think of myself as a pervert. I just practice a very mature kind of art."

"Fine, you're a _classy_ pervert. Regardless, why don't you get rejected?"

Kiku looked thoughtful, but before he could respond, a sleek sports car drove up and the window rolled down to reveal Herculia, with a pair of thick sunglasses over her eyes. "Kiku," she called airily. "Sadiq was taken care of…let's go."

"What does she mean 'Sadiq was taken care of'?" Gilbert asked, but Kiku rose without another word, bid good day quietly, got into the car, and left before Gilbert could take another breath.

(Gilbert found Sadiq in rather bad shape behind the gymnasium but before he could call for help, Gupta had appeared and lectured him about the evils of bullying before carting Sadiq off and before Gilbert had a chance to explain himself.)

Gilbert really didn't want to resort to this. It wasn't awesome in the slightest. But he swallowed his pride and knocked on his brother's door.

"Come in."

Gilbert poked his head in and saw Ludwig reading (_reading_ of all things to do during the summer, when one should become illiterate and mindless). Subduing his grimace, Gilbert painted on a grin and pranced into the neatly kept room. "Hey, brother! I was wondering if you'd like to have some fun with your older step brother. Because it's the awesome thing to do this summer."

"What did you have in mind?"

"I don't know. Hang out at the pool. Pick up some chicks."

"I don't think mom will approve of you picking up any more stray birds. You know she isn't very happy with Gilbird in the first place."

"_Girls_, Ludwig. Chicks equals girls. Not birds." Dear Lord, how did his brother function? "What do ya say? You game?"

Ludwig stared at him. "I don't quite understand what kind of game involves lifting girls, but I never really understood what you considered fun in the first place. But I guess I'll go to the pool with you. I was thinking of heading over there anyway."

Holding back his laments and laughter, Gilbert whooped as he changed into his swim trunks and insisted that Ludwig walk down to the neighborhood pool in swim trunks only too. His brother politely declined and followed as Gilbert celebrated down the sidewalk. Considering the circumstances, he shouldn't have done his victory dance so soon.

"Gilbert, you're here too!" Felicia greeted him in a white, red, and green striped bikini (honestly, the Vargas sisters were total tens, if only Antonio and his stupid brother hadn't claimed one each). She took hold of Ludwig and pulled him along the pool deck, blabbering something about rubbing sunblock on her back.

_Even my antisocial little brother gets to touch a girl!_ Gilbert stared as Ludwig flushed as Felicia sat on the pool chairs with her back facing him. "It's awesome to spend a summer day alone!"

Granted, Romina was there as well to keep watch over her sister, so Antonio was also included in the package deal. He waved at Gilbert but before the albino could make his way over there, Romina quickly got in the way and pulled him away. Those Vargas sisters were also quite the connivers. Felicia had somehow convinced Ludwig that she couldn't rub sunblock on her stomach either.

Gilbert was making his way to a corner to sulk when he saw Leia and Remy walking across the pool, Leia munching her way through a huge ice cream cone and Remy berating her with a modest smoothie. Ah, summer. The girls were always better in summer. Normally, he never turned twice to look at these two, but Leia had that clueless look on her face and a great big grin he never noticed before (and her chest was great too, he couldn't tear his eyes away from that red and blue striped piece of cloth over her chest). And Remy was ordinarily a frosty kind of girl, but she had a nice ass.

Gilbert decided the pool wasn't that bad of a place and settled down into a sunning chair to enjoy the view better.

He had really never given these two notice before. Did they have boyfriends? They should; but they were there together. Leia wasn't rubbing her awesome curvy chest against a boy. She was hugging Remy, who pushed her into the water. And Remy wasn't showing off her curves to anyone either. So were they single? And were they a package deal too? He wouldn't mind that…Leia in one arm, Remy in the other. Granted, he didn't know them very well, but he wasn't going to say no to a threesome with two gorgeous girls…

"I wouldn't even bother if I were you," a voice broke in from beside him. Gilbert turned to see a snowy haired girl sitting in the chair next to him, crossed arms over her modest chest (hell, sometimes flat chests could be attractive, Gilbert wasn't picky) and glaring at Leia and Remy. "They're taken." She actually spat the last part out.

"By whom?" Gilbert asked with shock. Leia had resurfaced and glistening water and running down that brilliant body (she was grinning in a way so that her boobs weren't the only thing Gilbert was interested in). Oh skin. Girls were such prudes during the school year, wearing sweaters and stuff. And now they were sitting at the poolside, glittering with pure sexiness as Remy braided her hair to keep it in check (and he wondered if her fingers were skillful in other ways too). He figured they would probably be taken, but it was surprising still the same.

"By each other," the girl said ruefully.

That was actually more of a turn on. Gilbert supposed he could understand why Elizavita found boys kissing boys so fascinating. Especially now when Leia had thrown an arm around Remy's shoulders in the typical 'boob grab' fashion. She was well versed in this sort of stuff. Remy pushed her back in the water.

"Disgusting, isn't she?" the girl continued, a nasty look on her face. "Leia, I mean. Remy could have any boy she wants and she decides to go with Leia. I haven't got anything against Leia, of course, besides her stupidity and her awful cheerfulness and her denseness. Of course not." Gilbert was having trouble finding something to focus on. This girl talking to him, or those girls across the pool splashing at each other.

"Who are you?" Gilbert asked, because he vaguely recognized her but he couldn't put a name on her. He remembered seeing her maybe in the halls but she looked totally different with less clothes.

"Ice. I'm Remy's little sister." Ice shot him a look. "And you're Gilbert, who thinks he's awesome."

"Thanks!" Gilbert studied Leia a little more. "Do you think they would be interested in hanging out with me a little bit?"

"I'm sure Leia won't have a problem with it, but Remy gets clingy. I don't know why you'd bother." Ice looked as if anything was more interesting. "What a whore, you know? She'd probably cheat on my sister without knowing it."

Gilbert couldn't imagine how anyone could cheat on anyone with such a sweet ass. Focus. He was talking to Ice.

"Could you stop staring at them? It's disgusting. You're really as gross as they say."

Gilbert's head snapped around, momentarily wondering who was spreading rumors that he was gross and disgusting (score! He had his fifteen minutes!). "You're not too bad looking yourself," he said, as Ice gave him in an incredulous look. "If you stopped frowning, I guess."

"Ew!" Ice shot up from the chair. "I'm not interested in you at the slightest! Don't be gross!" She quickly stormed off toward the refreshments area and Gilbert found himself very excited.

_It looks like someone has a crush on me!_ And it really wouldn't be summer if he didn't pursue every hot and bothered girl that had trouble expressing her feelings for him. Hopping up, he cleared his throat, patted down his hair, and made a beeline for Ice, who was still pretending she was not shooting glances at him.

It was turning out to be a pretty awesome summer after all.

Owari

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Note: I know this summer high school AU has been written, but I wanted my POLISH AU to have a spin at it. Man tears are especially annoying, especially when one is watching the 2004 rendition of Separate Peace, which requires Gene to be blubbering at least three times. My friends and I greet each other in the same way Elizavita and Gilbert greet each other. If I knew writing fanfiction meant writing about checking chicks out, then I should have picked this up sooner! But seriously, OTPs: Denmark/Prussia/Norway and Prussia/Iceland. I hope this is okay. Light reading, fun and kicks. Review, please.


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